Social censure associated with divorce
As a young divorcee, Mary Thompson faced some social censure, and she describes how she dealt with that.
Citing this Excerpt
Oral History Interview with Carl and Mary Thompson, July 19, 1979. Interview H-0182. Southern Oral History Program Collection (#4007) in the Southern Oral History Program Collection, Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Full Text of the Excerpt
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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How old was she when you and your husband separated?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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We separated so many times, it's hard to say. The first time,
she wasn't but five weeks old, and then we went back together
so many times. After she got about two years old, we never did go back
together. We was around one another, because we worked at the same place
a good bit. He went to Detroit, Michigan, and I went up there and stayed
with him two or three weeks and left to come back home.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Why did you separate? Do you mind telling me?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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He loved the women too well. [Laughter]
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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He was running around?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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Yes. He didn't want to settle down, and so we separated for
good.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Did you get a legal divorce eventually?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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We did finally get one, but it was about twelve to fifteen years.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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How did people treat you?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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I had my friends, just like everybody else had. Really, I'm
always a person, I don't meet no strangers, and I can make
friends with most everybody. If they didn't like me, it
didn't make no difference to me; I'd just let them
alone.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Did people think you were doing something wrong by not pretending to be
married?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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Oh, I knew they did, but they didn't have the guts to tell me
to my face. [Laughter] I knew that some
people was kind of… You know, they always looked down on
grass widows. I knew some of them felt thataway about it, but I never
did have nobody that had guts enough to tell me to my face anything.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Did it bother you that people thought that way?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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No, it didn't.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Did you say "grass widows"?
- MARY THOMPSON:
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That's what they called them back then, grass widows. Now I
think they just call them, what? I don't know what they call
people that's divorced now, or separated.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Do you know where that term originated? That's an interesting
phrase.
- MARY THOMPSON:
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No, I sure don't.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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I don't, either.
- MARY THOMPSON:
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I've heard that all my life.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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I've heard it all my life, but I don't know where
it originated at. But now they say, "I'm separated
from my husband," or "I will divorce."
- MARY THOMPSON:
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Yes, that kind of branded the woman.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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Yes, they've quit using that "grass
widow."
- MARY THOMPSON:
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They didn't call a man that. They were just single after they
had separated, but a woman was branded a grass widow. I guess
that's to separate a widow from a divorced person, is all I
know. It didn't make any difference to me noway.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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But now, if they're not divorced, they'll just say,
"No, we're not living together, we're
separated," and that's all. And after they get
divorced, say, "Well, we're divorced."
- MARY THOMPSON:
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I know they don't brand them now.
- JIM LELOUDIS:
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Yes, I don't think it's quite such a social stigma
anymore.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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No.
- MARY THOMPSON:
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I don't think so, either.
- CARL THOMPSON:
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It's been a long time since I've heared that word
"a grass widow."
- MARY THOMPSON:
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I hadn't heard it in years. I have to think about us calling
people that's separated …
- CARL THOMPSON:
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You used to hear it rather often back years and years ago, but
it's very seldom you hear it now.
- MARY THOMPSON:
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But it didn't make any difference to me. I never did worry
about it. I had my own friends. I always made lots of friends, so I
never did have any trouble. I still make lots of friends, and I
don't worry about the ones I don't make, either. I
always just try to hold my head up and do right and live as close to the
Lord as I can, so I don't really worry about things like
that. If nobody don't like me, well, that's just
their hard luck, not mine. [Laughter]