White traditions win out; light-skinned blacks gain acceptance
Tapia describes the way in which the traditions of the white school she integrated continued to dominate student life. She faced expulsion for refusing to stand for the school song, "Dixie," and the school mascot was a Confederate soldier. She also faced personal acts of discrimination, such as shunning in the cafeteria and in the classroom. As she remembers one particularly hurtful act of discrimination, she reflects that light-skinned African Americans gain acceptance more easily than their dark-skinned peers.
Citing this Excerpt
Oral History Interview with Brenda Tapia, February 2, 2001. Interview K-0476. Southern Oral History Program Collection (#4007) in the Southern Oral History Program Collection, Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Full Text of the Excerpt
I can remember
almost getting expelled because I didn't stand up for the
school fight song, which was Dixie. You could sit down at my school that
first year when they played the national anthem,
uhh, and nobody would say anything, but if you didn't stand
up for Dixie, that was grounds for … expulsion.
Also when I was at North, the school mascot was the Confederate soldier
and flag. And the students, while we were doing what they called a rebel
yell, we were the Rebels, the North High Rebels. And it
wasn't until my sister came through which was about five
years after I was there that the students had become a little more
militant, and they tore, we had a life, bigger than life-size
Confederate soldier and the flag on the wall in our gymnasium. Well five
and half years after I was at North the students tore that off the wall
and built a bonfire with it out in the parking lot. Which started a
period of police being present at the school in full uniform, umm, for
quite a while. Umm, I think the thing that was, I also remember, at
North they like to give seniors an opportunity to practice marching, and
so anytime we had assemblies or programs in the gym, the sophomores, and
the freshmen would go in, I mean not the freshman, we only had tenth,
eleventh and twelfth grades. Sophomores and juniors would go in, and we
were to sit in the bleachers, leaving the bleachers closest to the floor
for the seniors. And then the seniors after
everybody else was in, they'd play the school alma mater and
everybody else would march in to that.
Well, I noticed the first year, when there were only six black students
in the senior class, if those six black students - one or all of them -
would happen to come up to get in line behind a white person, the person
would run. So there was, you could sit and watch them marching into the
gym, and you knew when the black students were coming because there
would be this gap, or they would come and there would be a big gap
behind them. But it was like a lot of the students didn't
even want to be near them. But again, like I said, football players,
athletes were treated like demi-gods, you would have thought they had
been there since forever. You would see people socializing with them,
laughing with them, but not other blacks.
Same thing would happen when you'd go in the cafeteria, uh, if
you put your tray down at a table, it was suddenly like you had a sign:
"I'm oozing with the AIDS virus, come near me
you'll die of AIDS," because you go to sit down and
people at the table just jump up and run. And in adolescence, that can
be very, very dis-settling because one of the things that mark the
adolescence period of our life is sensitivity. An adolescence can get a
tiny pimple on their face and to them it looks like Mt. Everest;
someone can walk by you and not speak, not because
they're mad at you or they don't like you, but
because their mind is somewhere else, and as an adolescence you will
have a tendency to interpret it as: "Oh, what's
wrong with me, why don't they like me, what did I do
wrong?" when none of those things are going on.
So to have this type of treatment … and for me it was hard
because my mother went to great extents to shield us from whites that
were not liberal - no, I don't want to say liberal. Whites
who would not treat you like a child of God, whites who believed that
everybody was equal regardless of race, color, or creed. So, I was there
for about three months, because of what my mother had taught me and how
she had shielded me from certain types of whites, and then watching the
athletes be accepted. It took me three months to realize that people
were not running from me and treating me the way they were because I was
ugly, but because I was black. Beause I remember the first day I walked
into my chemistry class, this girl had gotten to class before me and put
her books down and ran to the bathroom. She came back from the bathroom
and saw me now sitting behind her, this girl stopped dead in her tracks
in the door, looked at me, and just let out this blood curdling scream.
You would have thought that I was Freddie from the
Nightmare movies or something, Friday the 13th. And the teacher did not
reprimand her or anything, I mean he went and like calmed her down, and
he came over, picked up her books, and like took them over to a desk on
the other side of the room away from me.
Of all the things that happened, the one that really hurt me the most was
a really trite one. After that year of waiting to participate in
extra-curricular activities, umm, I went out for letter girl, and it
just so happened, my girlfriend's brother was on the football
team and there was a white letter girl that really had a crush on him.
She tried to make friends with his sister, my girlfriend, we told her
that we were going out for letter girl, she said: "Well let me
teach you our routines." You know, so … and she
explained to us that the way they handle the selection was that you
would come on like a Monday when they designated, and the letter girls
would work all week teaching you their routines, and then on Friday,
everybody would come, you know, try out.
Well this chick had taught us all the routines a whole week before the
tryouts, before we went to start learning them. So on the first day that
we were there the letter girls were working with us and stuff, and my
girlfriend and I faked not knowing them for a while, then we got tired
of faking, so we just started doing them. They
were like, Oh wow, look, oh they already know! So they then sat down,
and for the rest of the week, they would come and laugh and talk and
spent time with each other while we taught the recruits the routine. So
naturally, because we were teaching everybody else, we assumed:
"hey, we done made it, you know." And so that Friday,
umm, just before I was getting ready to leave my house to go to the
tryouts, another girlfriend of mine came by, and she wanted to go to the
movies afterwards. So I told her, look, I've got go to these
tryouts, you know, and then we'll go to the movies. So she
went with me, and after everybody had tried out, one of the letter girls
came over to my girlfriend that was going to the movies with me and
said, Carol Ann, why don't you try out? Carol Ann was like:
"Well, you know, I don't even know your routines, I
wasn't thinking about letter girl, so I didn't
come. I don't know any routines." She said:
"Well let me show you a step." So she showed her a
step and then she had her to try out.
Well, that Monday, you know, me and Sylvia, we couldn't wait
to get to school, we knew we had made it. We almost didn't
even go look at the names on the list because we were sure our names
were on there. But we decided, you know, just so we could lord it over
the people who were standing there looking and
being disappointed to go and look, and we didn't make it, but
my girlfriend Carol Ann did. And it wasn't until the first
football game when I'm sitting out in the stands looking up
at the letter girls, I realized why she made it and Sylvia and I
didn't. My girlfriend Sylvia is like three shades darker than
me. We had to look for Carol Ann. "Oh yeah, there she
is." But if the two of us had been out there, you would have
not had to go through any moving of the neck, head, body, we
would've stood out. And it was very much like some of the
things you saw in integration of the media, the first anchor people,
very light skinned. The first black Miss America, they always start with
the ones you have to like: "Is she black? Well, maybe, only
some of us can tell, you know."