Distance from family is hard for an immigrant
Rahman describes one of the most significant difficulties of her immigrant experience: the distance from her family. She has not adjusted to her separation from her family, particularly her father.
Citing this Excerpt
Oral History Interview with Kanwal Rahman, July 15, 1999. Interview K-0817. Southern Oral History Program Collection (#4007) in the Southern Oral History Program Collection, Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Full Text of the Excerpt
I'd like to ask you a little bit
now about your family and your community back home, and if you could
talk a little, share a little bit about that and, er. . . how you keep
in touch with them, how you feel about the fact that you've
been here all this time, and they're back there and, sort
of, how have you, how have you struggled with that and, sort of,
reached a—.
- KANWAL RAHMAN:
-
Reached a—.
- RAJIKA BHANDARI:
-
A level of acceptance in your mind that this is okay, this is how you
want it to be.
- KANWAL RAHMAN:
-
Well, let's say that, Oh, I come from a
family of five sisters and no brothers. In an Asian culture where,
usually brothers are, are an important part of the family and not
having a male member in the family, the only role model we ever saw was
dad. And my dad was a very different kind of a person. He
wasn't a nine-to-five worker. He wasn't an
engineer, he wasn't a doctor, he was—. He was a
very prominent movie star, actor, director, producer, and writer. But a
person who was also physically handicapped. Being such a
person's daughter, being part of all that, and also, being,
trying to grow up as a, you know, as my mother would say, grow up like
everybody else, go to school, excel in studies, and focus only on
studies, and nothing creative! Ahm. . . I think we tried to manage to do
all that and, motivation was, everyone's going out to do
higher studies. Well, so I came for higher studies for that. But, ahm.
. ... as you were saying that, ahm. . . staying away eight
years—which of course was my personal decision. They, they
wanted me to come back. How I have managed to accept that, being away
from them eight years, not being able to go home—. The only
way I can communicate with them is a, through the telephone, which I do
about once a month and, er. . . that takes some of the edge off the
craving to hear their voices and, er. . . to tell you the truth, I
don't think I have ever really accepted the fact that I
have, I have spent eight years away from my family, because in our
culture family means a lot and, er. . . because my father had, had two
strokes since then. I just felt that I have spent valuable time away
from him and not been of service for him. And these are the issues that
sometimes are deep back in my mind that, er. . ... after all, all life
is finite, and if, er. . .. If I don't spend some of it with
my close ones when they need me, what is there—? What will I
have to look back on that okay, I have done my duty, and all.
That's the only issue that I have
regrets over, apart from my, er.. apart from that, I'm
quite adjusted to my way life that I'm living now, and, er.
. .. I don't think I will ever be adjusted to the fact that I
have—eight years or ten years or how many years
I've spent away from them.
- RAJIKA BHANDARI:
-
Yeah. I thin—. I think, that's a—, I
mean, that's something I really appreciate that, that
it's very rarely that one comes to terms with that sentiment.
It's just something you accept as part of living here.
- KANWAL RAHMAN:
-
That's true—.
- RAJIKA BHANDARI:
-
Or living anywhere else, I guess, in another country away from your
home. That it's—, ahm.. there's never
that point where you say, I accept this and this is, fine with me!
- KANWAL RAHMAN:
-
Fine with me. That never is there—.
- RAJIKA BHANDARI:
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It's never fine. You just keep doing things that,
that'll—.
- KANWAL RAHMAN:
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That you feel that you have to do, do what you have to do right now,
but in the back of your mind there's—, something
in your mind tells you that, spending time with your family, working
there, and, er. . .. If anything happens to my dad—God
forbid!—then I'll not have any regrets. Okay,
I've spent, I did—. I was of service, and now
that part is gone.