I am now dressed & sitting in a delightful arm chair which
Mrs Mitchell in her
kindness has sent up to the room to which I was brought last monday morning
& where I have been on my back 'ever since. I was brought in a
Carry-all-sort of a [concern] with a bed spread out in it—from My room at
MrCraigs & was then carried up stairs in
Dr Mitchells
old house by two
negro
men, for you must know that I can hardly
stand on my feet any length of time much less walk
about. I got up just now because I was so very tired lying on my back, & I
found that I was able to dress myself & go into the
Dr's
Study for these writing materials, but the little
walk tho only about 10 steps wearied me so much that I fell in the chair quite
exhausted on returning into my room. I waited awhile to gather strength, when I
began this letter I felt perfectly able to go right through with it, but
already I am so much used
up by this little
exertion, I feel almost on the point of stopping with the end of each sentence.
However I have a long time to write it in—about
two whole days, not counting Sunday. This is the morning
for the Stage to pass through, & although I dont suppose 'twill be here for
four or five hours, yet the hour when the mail closes has already passed &
my letter couldn't go unless I get some one to take it for me. The Stage
Coaches have been coming in rather later than usual for the last two or three
days—I suppose on account of the great quantity of rain we've had. It has
been raining here very steadily for several days &
2 at
times violently. The roof of the front porch is immediately under my window,
& the big drops from the eaves of the house keep up an incessant pit,
pat.—which at some times make me feel pleasant & I fall off to sleep
under the music they make—at others it makes me feel very melancholy
&c that's when I can't get to sleep. I receive just enough attention here
to make me want more.
M
rs
Page 2
Mitchell steps in
occasionally to see if I want
some more
Arrow root—generally just as I have fallen off
into a gentle dose. Now there are few things on top of the face of this earth
that I do not like better than Arrow root & gruel & farina &c, but
they are the only food the
Dr
allows me to touch. My fever went away some six or
seven days ago & has been off ever since. My skin is as cool & pleasant
as anybody's & my pulse
going I believe
at about the right rate.
3 I
now have what my
Dr
calls irritation
4 of
the bowels & it is very necessary that I should eat very light food &
lie quite still. I ate, contrary to his injunctions, a little piece of toast
which I w
d dip in the jelly they make for me, & eat
them together in this way.
Mrs M. made the toast & said she
thought 'twould'nt do me any harm—neither has it as I've been able to
perceive. I intend taking some every day for it the only thing that is fit to
eat theyll let me have, & as I said before the
Dr
objects to that. Water is another thing he prohibits,
or at least tells me to do with as little as possible. I actually feel able to
drain any Spring I ever saw, & very often I make nothing of a tumbler full,
but top it off as if nothing were the matter. I can not tell when I will be
strong & well enough to walk about. I will not be able to study rightly for
a week or two after I recover i.e. of course if I get well at all. But from
what
D
Jones
says & the way I feel day after day I think I will be able to
eat partridge or chicken soup in about a week or so. When is
Uncle
Archie coming? Oh! I'll look in fathers letter which lies on the table
& see. I wish I could be there to see you before you leave & to see
Uncle
Archie again. I know not when I may see either of you
again—probably never. I intend making aproposition to you all & I
want to get you to work
Father
&
Ma up to agreeing to it. Ill
make it after a little; let me look into Fathers letter & rest awhile.
'Twas the very first thing I saw—that
Dr Archd.
A. Rice would start from
Pr.
Edward
5 with
Sister on the second
monday! but then he didn't say of what month. Sept. tho' of course & then
day after to morrow they'll start & arrive in
Page 3
Raleigh
about Wednesday at 2 o'clock. Now I was going to make the following proposition
to
Father,
& if it pleases him, theres nothing by which he could so much gratify me as
to grant me my request. You will perceive that I am counting on getting well by
a certain time & thus dallying with Providence, which is altogether wrong,
but I merely make the request on the supposition that I'll be well by that
time. It is this. That I come home in the Stage or if I can find some gentleman
going down to
Raleigh with
a vacant seat in his buggy that I ask him to let me go with him. In short, that
as soon as I get well enough
Father
allow me to come down and spend a week or so at home. I have never come home
during the session yet & I am now in the Senior Class, where theres not a
great deal missed in one week.
John Morehead
6 went
away when he was sick & staid 5 weeks. & I only ask to remain at home
one week during which time I hope to become refreshed & invigorated enough
to commence my studies with renewed zeal on my return. One thing is certain, it
will be impossible for me to study the first week or so after my recovery;
Sitting stone still for three hours & then walking as hard as possible for
nearly a mile & half from my room to college & this walk repeated four
times aday—twice going & twice coming—this is enough to keep me
sick the whole session. Whereas I might go home & enjoy
yr the
company of you all, probably see you before you start & in that case see
Uncle
Archie also. At any rate I would see all the rest of them—
Father
& Sister &
Dear Ma with the
dear little
baby
.
7
Bless her little heart how is She?—& have you come to a determination
as to the name? I dont see how
Father
will refuse this request—I will get permission from the Faculty—the
only obstacle in the way as I see is the expense. & Since I come to think
about it, If
8
uncle
Archie intends staying three or four days couldn't
Drury
or some little boys about there
Page 4
take
Frank & the buggy & come after me? A slow drive of
only 28 miles by which the driver may take up all the day & thus go at
about 2 1/2 per hour—such driving as this could not weary a good horse
much. Such would be rest to horse after
Uncle
Archis driving. But however just as you all say. I really believe
'twould do me good & I know 'twould afford me great pleasure. I took
occasion to mention the matter to M
rs
Mitchell & she
seemed to think it quite a good idea, & although she's an old woman she
did'nt raise a single objection. She has just sent me a saucer of toast and
chipped beef. I am not permitted to swallow the beef—only to chew &
spit out. I begin to think very hard about eating—how good some things
would taste & how much I'd give for a fine buttered broiled partridge; hot
corn bread, or potatoes & milk would go first rate too & beefsteak
9 with
good mustard—it almost makes me rave to think about them. I have got over
my letter
more easily than I thot I w
d & thus passed off an hour
agreeably which w
d have hung heavily on me
& bored me badly otherwise. I read though a good deal. I have got some
books in here that I've seen read at
10
home & that circumstances make them more interesting to me. That good book
"Pastors Sketches" by
Spencer,
11
I've been reading with great delight. I looked over also the life of
Miss Lyon,
12 I
did not have time to read twenty pages before they sent in for it. Then
Colman's
lettes on
European Life & Manners
13
I've been reading after having heard it read—or at least some of
it—at
14
Page 5
home.
Geology
Religion
of Geology
15 is
another book they've sent in, but it requires too deep thought for me as sick
as I am. I wish they would send in
Baxters
Call or
Doddridge.
16 as
I feel a desire to read such book at present & have within the last few
days. I do'nt know how it is whether it is just a little feeling coming up to
me while sick or whether I am really serious once more. I have been so, so
often & have driven
God's Spirit away
so repeatedly that I fear I will not be brought low & humble enough again
to be willing to give myself to
Xst. I feel as I
always have though I feel as if I knew too much about the plan of Salvation to
become a
Xstian.
I have read so many book on religious subjects & been talked to so much
that I believe I suffer more harm than I receive good
Page 6
whenever I think any length of time on the subject. I am
fully determined that if I do become serious again, to make no pretension to
Religion until I may be certain of it—but to go on & attend to my
regular business. But will
Christ have me
now? After having rejected
him so many
times, after having been so near the
Page 7
joys of
Salvation have slighted them? I would rejoice to become a
Christian now, above all things, & to enter on the
new study of Divinity—as soon as
I graduate. But I know these impressions (for they are feebler than any Ive
ever had before) will wear off with my sickness if it ever wears off
Page 8
& that will be one more added to the many times
I've rejected the
Savior.
Mr C. P. told me once when I was
serious—some six months ago—that I did not seem concerned enough
& that I was not interested enough in it. But there was a woman in
Spencer's that had no interest or very little & that
was her excuse for not attending to the subject.
Dr Spencer told her that the least bit was enough; &
that she must not "wait for conviction." Now how is this
Mr C. P. told me I didn't have enough interest in it. I
have some little now but was less than I had then—& how according to
Mr Philips it is not worth while for me to try with the
little interest I now have—but
Mr Spencer says the least is enough—I am much
obliged to you for your letter Write again soon. My best love to
Father
& to
Ma & to
the
little
baby
How are they getting along? You must write from time to time