Adopting an American identity
"I don’t miss anything that I left behind in India," Mathew declares. She recalls embracing Western clothes and hairstyles and while her community in Kerala was very conservative, even judgmental, Mathew does not remember receiving treatment like that in the United States. While she experienced a period of boredom and anxiety after her arrival, she soon enjoyed four breakthroughs that cemented her new identity: she got a work visa, got a job, stopped wearing her sari, and started to drive a car.
Citing this Excerpt
Oral History Interview with Mary T. Mathew, April 25, 1999. Interview K-0815. Southern Oral History Program Collection (#4007) in the Southern Oral History Program Collection, Southern Historical Collection, Wilson Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.
Full Text of the Excerpt
- RASHMI VARMA:
-
Ahm. . . is there anything about your community life or family life in
India that you miss now, or, ahm. . .. How is your community life here
different from the one you left behind? In other words, are there things
about India that you miss at all, or has it been a discovery of other
things and you, don't really miss certain things?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
-
Ahm. . . the truth is that I don't miss anything, that I
left behind in India. Ahm. . ... In fact, my life in this country has
been a simple process of one dream after the other, getting fulfilled.
Ahm. . .. Educationally, and socially, and in personal development in
terms of the family, and so on. So, there is nothing that I miss back
home. Ahm. . . Of course, I like my family, society, and so on, but,
since I see them every summer and spend time with them, I
don't feel that I am being deprived of, these things. What I greatly like in my life in this country is
that there is a great deal of freedom. I like the fact that I am
anonymous, and I like the fact that I can wear the clothes I
like—. [Laughter] Ahm. . . comb
my hair the way I want to—in other words, manage my own life,
and not have to, justify my decisions to society in general.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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I think that would not have been possible in India.
- MARY T. MATHEW:
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In the particular community I come from, it was not possible.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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Would you say something about that community?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
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Okay. Er. . .. This particular community was, ahm. . .. What shall I
say? It was a very traditional, very conservative society from the North
of Kerala—.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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What [unclear] ?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
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These are the areas around Tirvalla. Right. And,
everybody dress the same, everybody did the same things, and to be
different was to be considered wrong and bad. And, so, for example,
when I grew up, was growing up, I asked my mother, can I
wear—, I wish I could wear a short skirt and a top, I wish I
could cut my hair. And my mother would say, don't do any of
this now, let me just find a groom for you and after that do what you
want. [Laughter] So, it was in those ways
a very restricted kind of society and, I always liked freedom, personal
freedom. I should say, in defence of that community, that they had very
strong moral and social, religious values and in
every way it was exemplary, but if you were different you paid a cost.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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Okay.
- MARY T. MATHEW:
-
Yeah.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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But what about being different in this country and this country? Was it
ever an issue, or do you think, you know, you were able to fit in and
if you were able to fit in, what do you think were the possible
reasons, for that?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
-
Ahm. . . My personal experience in this country was that if you were
different, you faced friendly curiosity, and not, judgement. So, since
that has been my experience, ahm. . .. and since I was always
surrounded by people who, appreciated the kind of culture, the kind of
values I represented, so it was never an issue of feeling different or
discriminated against. I never felt that way, and I can't
remember a single instance when I felt embarrassed because I was
different.
- RASHMI VARMA:
-
Uh-huh. At what point do you think did you start thinking of America as
your home? Er. . .. You know, you talked about always wanting to have
come to the west, ahm. . .. Were the early years different, ahm. . ..
From the years more recently? Was there a particular incident, or event,
or a certain time in your life, or a certain experience that made you
think, okay now, you know, this is my home? Or were you—, or
had you always come with the intention of making this your home and,
there was never any struggle around it?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
-
Ahm. . .. The strange thing was the second I disemb—,
disembarked in New York in 1970, I felt I had come home, because I had
thought about that moment, thought about this country so much. However,
our first, almost ten years in this country were
filled with tremendous anxiety because we did not have the right visa.
And we, lived on, ahm. . .. Teaching assistantship and so on. So,
we, I, plus in those days I did not have the visa to work and study,
and for some, and for all these reasons I always
felt like I was not a part of the ongoing life. And, I had my little
sphere with my small children and my household duties and, that defined
my existence. To me the breakthroughs came, from four different things.
One was, we got our visa and the second was I began working. A third was
that I stopped wearing all the time my traditional sari, and I changed,
started using western clothes, and the fourth one was I started to
drive. So, these four things took me out of my limited sphere,
completely. And that, I would think, was the time when I began to really
feel like this a new life, and that I was a part of it.
- RASHMI VARMA:
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And that this was your home? This country was yur home?
That's when you realized?
- MARY T. MATHEW:
-
Hmmm. . . Okay. I would say that I always felt very much at home here,
but there were many, ahm. . .. Many times when I felt bored, in the
first few years when my work in-house would be done and there was
nothing to do and, so, my life became more meaningful, and my
participation in the life in this country became exciting and
challenging and all those things, with these four turning points, and I
would say, that's when it really began to be a home in the
sense you felt so fulfilled and so comfortable in it. Yeah.